“What do you want for mother’s day, Mom?” my kids asked me.
Good question. My kids are too old to make me popsicle stick picture frames and too young to have enough money to buy me jewelry. Besides, I don’t really need any more picture frames or jewelry. Not that you ever really NEED jewelry, but I’d never tell my husband that.
Anyway, I gave it some thought and came up with a couple of things I actually could use and thought I would share them with you, in case you need them, too. Of course, there isn’t much time left, so if you like any of these ideas, your family is going to have to shell out some extra bucks for two-day shipping. But you’re the mom. You’re worth it. Besides, you gave birth to them. They OWE you!
1. Go Fish
I have killed so many goldfish – unintentionally, I might add – that my picture is on wanted posters in every post office and PETG (People for the Ethical Treatment of Goldfish) bureau in the country. I’m good with plants and children. Goldfish… eh, not so much. I finally decided I need to stop trying and just get a faux goldfish like theFincredible Fake Goldfish. It looks just like the real thing but it will never leave you standing around a toilet bowl singing Danny Boy as you give it a burial at sea.
2. Bite Me
Have you seen those family decals that a lot of women have on the back of their minivans? You know the ones I’m talking about, with the shopping mom, sporty dad and bevy of wholesome looking kids, along with a cat and dog or two. Nothing against those decals but they just don’t really work for me. Still, I have the need to tell the world I love my family too… I just want to do it in a way that fits my image as a suburban rebel. That’s why I probably need the Zombie Family Car Decals. Cuz nuthin’ says I love my family so much that I would eat them.
3. Pedal Pushers
Has this ever happened to you? You get up in the middle of the night to pee, stumble into the bathroom in the pitch black, plop down onto the toilet, and fall in. Yup, there’s nothing like the feeling of cold toilet water on your hiney to really wake you up. If your husband suffers from “I-forgot-to-put-the toilet-seat-down-itis” like mine does, the Toilet Seat Pedal is just what the marriage counselor ordered.
4. Get it Off Your Chest
I try to be eco-friendly and bring reuseable shopping bags with me whenever I go grocery shopping. But more often than not I forget the bags and end up with plastic and a huge case of “kill the planet” guilt. So imagine how happy I was when I found the “No! Shopping Bag Bra,” which coverts from a bra into an actual shopping bag. Sadly, It seems the company may have stopped making them. I could see the inherent problem with the product. Since you can’t use the bra/bag for both functions at the same time, you would always have to choose which “melons” were going to have something to be carried in.
5. Say Yes with Finesse
Tired of always saying, “Yes?”
Mom, did you do the laundry? Mom, did you go food shopping? Mom, can you drive me into town? Seriously, you can start to get a stiff neck from bobbing your head up and down all the time. Fortunately, I found something that will do all that head bobbing for you and the kids will never even realize it’s not you. Now a Customizeable Bobble Head Doll can be made to look just like you. Tilt the head back and let ‘er go and it will answer all your family’s yes questions for you. Just make sure you hide the doll when the kids come asking for money.