We all dread the day that our daughter will ask permission to go out on her first date. You thought you were prepared but now that it’s actually going to happen, are you and your daughter ready?
Let’s start with some basic questions such as what do you know about the person your daughter is dating?
Where did they meet?
Do you know the family?
Will someone from their family be driving them?
Are they old enough to drive?
What do they drive?
Do they have a curfew?
What contact information do you have of the date?
I know you are probably thinking that all of these are common sense questions and they are, but is your daughter giving you the information freely? The last thing you want is for her to go on date with someone you know nothing about! Of course a lot of this information will depend on how old your daughter and her date are. One of the first things I would suggest you do is go on a few social media sites and see what you can find out. Sometimes what you hear and what you should know are worlds apart. Before you give permission for the date you should be completely satisfied with the answers you received (or found out) to the questions above.
We all have butterflies before a date but trust your daughter’s instincts. If she reluctant or showing any signs of hesitation trust her instincts and find out why. This would be particularly important if this is happening before a second date. Maybe something didn’t seem right the first time. It’s scary to think that we have to prepare our kids for a “bad date” but we need to.
Would you’re daughter know what to do if her date was getting a little too touchy feely? Would she know how to make that stop if she needed to? Here is what your daughter should know if her date is paying a little too much attention to her and refuses to remove his arm from around her shoulder. It’s a very simple solution that literally gets the point across.
Imagine making a “girl fist” with your thumb sticking out and over your fist slightly (thumb on top). Now imagine the area where the bottom of your bra strap is and the seam of your shirt meet. This would be the target area. She would take her thumb and with a pushing motion, push hard into the other person’s ribs. This will create space between your daughter and the date. Tell her to say whatever she wants to get the point across. It won’t hurt them but it does bruise their ego and they will let go. Moms, this is a great tip to hang on to. You might just find it useful at the next family get together!
If the date doesn’t let go and it’s a continual problem, that could be one of the first signs that this person could be a danger to your daughter. After they have been dating awhile always watch for changes in your daughter’s personality and habits. Does it seem like she is covering up more than usual? It’s something you never want to think about but she could be covering bruises. Don’t ever think it can’t happen to your family because it can.
Many times when a girl faces an unruly situation or an attack in her relationship she may be hesitant to say anything or completely reluctant to reporting it in any fashion. Let me say this… If the person causing the harm is starting at an early age it’s likely not going to get better as they grow older. Your daughter may feel betrayed or humiliated that she has to talk about it but she needs to understand that she could be saving a life in the future. As a parent if someone were harming my daughter I would react very quickly and demand answers. Speak up and tell your daughter it’s ok to do the same!
The safety tips in this article and many others can be found on our Simple Self Defense for Women DVD. Please visit our website www.simpleselfdefenseforwomen.com for more details.
Tracy & Charley Vega, Co-Founders- Simple Self Defense for Women